STFDA (Beware The Chair)

And the award goes to: Adrian Petersen.  

Indicted for beating one of his kids. He has five kids by four different women and he is not married to any of them. Maybe a kid and his mother knows the beating comes out of love because they see your face over breakfast each day and because you sleep in the same house as them at night. Maybe if you don't live with them and you've impregnated three other women including a stripper, you're just some stranger whipping his ass with a stick. 

Have a seat, a vasectomy and a plea deal.